Arsenic and Lace-ing Food

I stumbled upon a blog that offers reasonable advice about what to know to avoid being a victim of arsenic poisoning, and, in the event you have ingested it, how to avoid succumbing to it. I thought it might come in handy for those of you with reason to worry (especially those of you who are unaware that you have reason to worry). Here are some important clues to take note of if you believe you may be exposed to a murderous plot involving arsenic (without the old lace, but possibly the old lady).

  1.  You are next in line for inheriting significant wealth and are awaiting the reading of the will of a very rich, very old, very sick family member.
  2. Arsenic is colorless, odorless and tasteless…so if your food or drink tastes good, you’d better be worried.
  3. It takes precious little arsenic to be fatal, so the stuff is also popular, and as it happens, easy to obtain for cheapskates.
  4. Arsenic is also the preferred poison for murder because it works pretty fast…about 24 hours to be precise.
  5. If you are suddenly sick from both ends and you know someone you can trust, ask them to smell your breath. The telltale sign of arsenic poisoning is garlic breath.
  6. Murderer wannabes often eat their own cooking with small doses of arsenic to build up a resistance before serving it to, oh I don’t know, you. They develop lesser symptoms and seem to be luckier than their dead acquaintance…. you.
  7. If your favourite relative, usually a female in her 50s or 60s, invites you over to her house regularly for “tea“, offer to make it for her or better yet, pick some up at Starbucks.
  8. If you win the lottery and don’t feel inclined to share any of it with your siblings, move to Bermuda, get plastic surgery, and assume a new identity.
  9. Or better still, don’t tell anyone.
  10. After filing for bankruptcy, should you receive an inheritance within 185 days of filing, you have to include your inherited wealth to the court so it can be distributed among your creditors. If you have a devious spouse who refuses to part with even a penny (especially if you stand to lose all of the pennies), you’d best start ordering in your meals and installing hidden cameras in the kitchen.
  11. If you discover that you have low levels of arsenic in your body, try not to be too alarmed: arsenic occurs in groundwater, apple juice, cigarettes, soil, toxic dust, your DNA, alcohol, sulfur (prescription medication), psychotropic medication, pesticides, herbicides, insecticides, volcanic ash, grape juice, leafy vegetables, air, and many more substances. Feeling a bit whoozy?
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5 Responses to Arsenic and Lace-ing Food

  1. mark says:

    Arsenic bonds to hair very well. I realize this article is to avoid being poisoned, but after death, arsenic is easy to test for. It leaves a giant chemical footprint–ask Derril Willard and Ann Miller.

    • gothrules says:

      Indeed it does. Arsenic poisoning also shows up in the fingernails in the form of silver-grey striations that run through the nails.

  2. Marilyn Cody says:

    I have been ill for 12 mths know I have Vit B 12 deficiency but Urine shows elevated arsenic & selenium levels.Awaiting rain water tests.We grow a lot of our vegies which are watered by well water.Pathovlogy suggests arsenic coming from shellfish.I am determined to get some answers.

    • marilyn4ever says:

      I would damn well get answers too. It is possible that arsenic in soil can somehow reach toxic levels but it is very rare. I’d almost swear you were living in Cambodia. I wasn’t aware arsenic came out of the rain too although that makes sense since all water on the earth circulates and we never make more. I didn’t know arsenic came out of shellfish. Good to know. Best of luck.

      • Marilyn Cody says:

        I have seen neurologist & new physician from India says arsenic is everywhere in ground water over there so they have no choice but to drink it.We my husband & I have been drinking bought water for 3 wks now.I have nursed for 40 yrs & I was first to recognise b12 deficiency .I had painful feet for 3 numb & I was taking B12 orally.My husband hasn’t been well either so now we will get well water tested as we water Vegs,cattle,pets etc.I have commenced taking garlic tabs as I have read helps detox heavy metals also great for high blood pressure,infections & anti inflammatory .Rainwater showed small amts of arsenic ,mercury,zinc & copper.

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